When Leaders (Over) React: The Hidden Cost of Unmanaged Emotions

When Leaders (Over) React: The Hidden Cost of Unmanaged Emotions

Dear Change Leader,

Has anyone ever spoken to you like this?

“Don’t you dare challenge me again.”

“That’s a stupid idea”

“Who asked you?”

Ouch. That hurts.

Think back to a time when you heard words like these. Notice how, even now, just remembering might make you feel unsettled. There’s a reason for that: emotions leave chemical traces in our brains as memories form. When we recall a difficult moment with a workplace bully, those same chemicals surge through our bodies again. We don’t just remember the pain – we relive it.

As a leader, you probably don’t intend to speak to your staff this way. But here’s a question worth considering: might your reactions be sending similar messages? Even without words, your facial expressions and body language can signal displeasure, leaving your team members feeling:

  • Embarrassed
  • Chastised
  • Shamed

This isn’t what you intended. Yet the impact remains the same. People feel less secure around you. They stop speaking up. They withhold challenges and ideas. They avoid pointing out mistakes.

Gradually, your team’s effectiveness erodes. Morale falls. Turnover climbs.

Here’s the truth: you’re not a bad person. You want your team to succeed. But you’re human – and you get stressed, tired, and distracted. In these moments, your reactions might not reflect your best self.

 

Your Leadership Challenge: Manage Your Reactions

This skill is crucial for leaders who want to build effective teams and drive lasting results. Here are five ways to strengthen this capability:

  • Model Non-Defensive Reactions: Hit the Pause Button

Your defensive reactions directly impact psychological safety. Learn to recognize when you’re feeling defensive and pause before responding. Give yourself space to choose a better response.

  • Respond productively: Label Your Emotions

Develop self-awareness by naming your emotions. This is your first step toward regaining control in stressful situations.

  • Watch Out for Your Blind Spots: “What Stories Am I Telling Myself?”

Remember that you’re seeing just one perspective. Stay curious about what others might be experiencing or seeing differently.

  • Appreciate Being Challenged: Thank People For Their Courage

Break the fight-flight-freeze cycle by truly hearing what’s being shared. Acknowledge feedback – even if you disagree – to encourage more open communication

  • Build on Others’ Ideas: “Yes, and…”

Creative thinking often needs warming up. Welcome all ideas, even unexpected ones. They might lead to breakthrough insights.

 

The Path Forward

Will these five actions immediately transform your responses to stress and challenges? To be blunt – no. Real change takes time, especially when we’re working to override habitual behaviors.

Be patient with yourself. When you misspeak, forgive yourself and try again. Each attempt makes managing your reactions a little easier.

 

Your Next Step

Choose just one of these five approaches for the coming week. Practice it intentionally. Use it more often. Notice the differences you see – both in yourself and in those around you.

Warmly,

 

 

 

 

Want to learn more about building psychological safety in your team? I’m a certified facilitator of The Psychological Safety Playbook and would love to lead a workshop for your organization. Contact me to learn more! 

 


Join Me At These Upcoming Events!

February 12, 2025: I’m speaking at the HR Alliance, DC Metro’s premier HR association monthly meeting on psychological safety. If you’re in the greater Washington DC region, I’d love to see you at this in-person workshop! More Information.

February 28, 2025: I’m hosting the next RCA Change Leaders Working Session. Join me for this free, practical two-hour session on “Navigating Your Stakeholder Ecosystem with Confidence.” More Information

March 7, 2025: I’m hosting a second session of the RCA Change Leaders Working Session. Join me for this free, practical, two-hour session on “Navigating Your Stakeholder Ecosystem with Confidence.” More Information

 


EFFECTIVE CHANGE RESULTS FROM INTENTIONAL LEADERSHIP

We’re a leadership and organization development consultancy. My team and I work with leaders like you to prepare for and lead successful change processes.

Here’s why our clients call us:

  • Leadership Coaching: I support leaders as they navigate transitions into new roles or expanded responsibilities.
  • Group Coaching and Learning Programs: Bringing groups of leaders together, I facilitate learning experiences and months-long programs that equip people to be effective change leaders.
  • Effective Teams and Stronger Organizations: I work with leaders and their teams with tailored processes that increase their effectiveness, building layers of aligned teams that transform organizations.

Get in Touch!

Share this on your social media:

Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn
Scroll to Top